The Dinner Party
by KrissyRee
Summary: Draco Malfoy and his wife decide to have a little dinner party...
1. Prologue

"Draco, can we talk? I wanted to run something by you," Ava said as she sat down at the oak kitchen table.

"For the last time, it was my father who taught the kids how to cast the dark mark. I swear!" Draco said, throwing his hands up in defense, half a sandwich in one hand.

"Not about that," She said with a wave of her hand. "I still want to have a little chat with him about that as well, though."

"Yes, well. I already told him it was inappropriate. What do we have to talk about now, then?" He asked, putting down his sandwich.

"I've decided to throw a little dinner party."

"With who?" Draco eyed her suspiciously.

"Well," She hesitated, not meeting her husbands gray eyes with her own brown ones, "my friends."

"And are we talking our friends, or your friends?" He asked with a slight sneer.

"Both, if you must know."

"I don't know, Ava..." He said reaching over and tucking a strand of Ava's long auburn hair behind her ear. Ava brushed his hand away.

"Mummy!" A six year old red headed little boy screamed, running into the room, followed shortly by an identical little boy.

"Talon, don't scream, you'll wake Ella," Ava reprimanded with a sigh.

"Trae hit me," Talon pouted.

"Boys," Draco said sternly, "what did we tell you about fighting?"

"Sorry, Daddy," both said looking at the ground. Talon climbed into Ava's lap while Trae climbed into Draco's.

"Anyway, Ava. Who are we inviting to this party?"

"We're having a party?" A blonde hair, brown eyed boy said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Maybe, Andrew. Could you go check James and Lilie for me?" Ava asked nicely.

"Sure, Mummy," Andrew said before leaving the kitchen.

"As I was about to say," Ava said, "I've invited the Potter's-"

"As in Harry and Aubrey?" Draco said in slight disgust.

"Yes. They're my friends. You and Harry are going to have to get along at some point. I've also invited the Weasley's-"

"Which ones?" He asked again in disgust, casting a downward glance at the twin boys sitting in their laps.

"Well Fred, of course, and then Angelina, Katie and George, Ron and Hermione-"

"That filthy mudbloo-"

"Draco! She is my friend. I'd like it if you don't speak about her that way."

"Fine. Who else?" He said shortly.

"Charlie, Percy, Bill and Fleur, and Ginny and Dean. Then there's Oliver Wood, Seamus Finnigan, Cedric Diggory, the Longbottom's-"

"Americus and Neville? With that great lot of children? Are you insane?"

Ava ignored him and continued on, "and Crabbe and Goyle of course."

"Finally, someone I like," Draco mumbled.

"Boys, why don't you go and find your brothers and sister," Ava said. The boys nodded and jumped down from Ava and Draco's laps and ran off to some other part of the manor.

"So will there be anyone else I'm on speaking terms with or your not sleeping with coming?"

"Your father."

"So how many people is that total?"

"About twenty-five. Plus everyone's children. I think that must be at about thirty-five now."

"The damned house elves will have a field day with that."

"And could you kindly hold your tongue about the 'damned house elves' while Hermione's around. I don't want her starting with SPEW again."

"Oh dear, not that retchid program again. I knew she'd lost it when she attempted to make me join in seventh year."

"Yes, well, she went a bit crazy that year, didn't she? I think we all must have, I mean, I got together with you that year, didn't I?" Ava smirked.

"Pansy wasn't too happy when you started going for me."

"No, no she wasn't. I remember when I told her that I had decided to get you from her, well she was livid. She kept trying to get the Gryffindor password from Neville to come up and hex me in my sleep."

"Brave thing you did there."

"Yes, well, good thing for me Neville couldn't remember passwords," Ava said as the two heard crying coming from above them.

"Well, your daughter's awake. You'd better get her."

"Must you talk about her like that?" Ava shook her head as she stood up.

"Well, she's not mine. That's for sure."

"You're being silly. They're all your children."

"Oh yes, Trae and Talon are mine I suppose with that flaming red hair and freckles?"

"I have red hair and freckles!"

"You don't have flaming red hair."

"I have to get Ella," Ava said turning on her heels and apparating to Ella's room to comfort the crying child.

"Look," Draco said as he climbed into bed beside Ava that evening, "I'm sorry about earlier today."

Ava put out the candle beside her side of the bed with a snap and layed down, facing opposite Draco.

"You're being silly, you know. I'm sorry if I find it hard to believe that all seven of those children are mine. Only Lilie and Andrew resemble me, and well, the other's clearly resemble other close friends of yours. And we all know you're not so faithful."

Ava sat straight up, lighting the candle with another snap. "Don't act so innocent in all this like you're the victim! I know you've got your side women too. I'm not stupid. It's so obvious that Patrick Potter, Ginger Longbottom, and Nick Thomas are yours!"

"And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Well just look at them. Patrick doesn't look anything like Aubrey or Harry, and for goodness sake Nick is supposedly Ginny's child and he's pale and let's face it, Dean isn't exactly white. And, well, Ginger is so obviously not Neville's."

"Did you ever stop to think that there's some Weasley gene that includes platinum blonde hair? Or maybe Ginny is sleeping with some other platinum blonde who happens to look like me?"

"Like who? Your father?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Whatever, Draco, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight," Ava said turning out the candles once again and laying back down. 


	2. Chapter 1

"Draco!" Ava called out from the parlor. "Hurry! They're all going to be here soon!"

Draco hurried into the room, a small blonde girl clinging around his neck, her familiar face buried in his collar. "What's wrong with Lilie now?" She asked impatiently.

"Ryan decided to tell her that she was born to the same ogre's that had Andrew and that's why they look so different from the rest of them. I've spent the last half hour convincing her she's really ours."

"Oh, wait till I get that boy later. He told James the same story the other day and Trae and Talon the day before. I don't know where he got it from," Ava shook her head. "RYAN! TRAE! TALON! JAMES! ANDREW!" She called out to each of her sons. "GET IN HERE NOW!"

One by one the boys piled into the room, lining up around their parents, waiting for their guests to arrive. Ryan was giggling maliciously as he glanced around at his siblings. Lilie had calmed down, but would still not let go of Draco. Draco waited by the door, while Ava waited by the fire. Sure enough people soon began to pour out of the fire, each greeting one another, while the few without children apparated outside the front door before ringing the bell.

"Ava! So good to see you. It's been too long," Aubrey said, greeting her best friend.

Ava and Aubrey were both from prominent pure blood wizarding families and their parents had been best friends along with Draco's. The two grew up as the best of friends, despite being sorted into opposing houses in Hogwarts. Ava, despite being from a long line of Slytherin's had ended up in Gryffindor, while Aubrey had been named a Slytherin at once. It was in fact Ava who was the one who had introduced Aubrey to her future husband. 

"You mean since we saw each other at work yesterday?" Ava joked. The two both worked as Auror's at the Ministry of Magic.

"Well it's been too long since we've gotten together outside of work."

"I suppose it has been. I don't even remember the last time we got together just to socialize."

"Yes, well brave one you are for having this. I couldn't do it," Aubrey laughed. "Too much drama involved."

"I'm afraid to see what's going to break out tonight."

"Well my bets are on a massive fight between your husband and everyone else."

"He's already been fighting about it for the last week. He keeps bringin the children into it. You know, he favors Lilie and Andrew so much. It's becoming obvious to the others more and more so lately. Ryan has cooked up this story that the other's are from Ogre's and that he's our only real child because he doesn't look like the others. Well, I told him it was nonsense, he's obviously got the same eyes as all the others."

"I know, Harry and I have been having that argument lately too. But he doesn't show it in front of the kids. I do catch him giving Patrick a bit of a glare once in a while."

"What were we thinking having so many children?"

"I don't think it was kids we were thinking about," she said with a wink.

"I just don't know what Ryan will do tonight when he realizes he looks like Oliver."

"Do you think he'll notice?"

"Oh yes, he's quite the little smarty. And what on earth I'm going to do when Americus' children all get here and are in a room with mine, I just don't know."

"WELL! Why don't YOU stop having children with MY WIFE!" Draco yelled at Harry loud enough for Aubrey and Ava to hear him from across the room. Everyone in the room stopped mid sentence and stared. Ava and Aubrey rushed to their husbands at once.

"I will if YOU do the same!" Harry yelled back, his wand at the ready.

"Now, now boys, you're attracting attention to yourselves," Ava said sweetly as everyone resumed their conversations. Lilie was looking at her father bewildered about his yelling. "I'll take Lilie," she said as she held out her arms and the little girl now clung to her.

"He started it," Draco huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at Harry. Harry glared back.

"Can't we all just get along?" Aubrey asked. "Just for one night," she pleaded mostly with Harry.

"Mummy," a seven year old boy who was unmistakably Harry's son, said to Aubrey, "Ryan Malfoy told me that his brother James is really my brother. Is that true?"

Aubrey and Ava looked at one another knowingly.

"Don't be silly," Harry said. "James is Ryan's brother, not yours."

"Are you sure? Cause he pointed out that we have the same hair."

"Hmm.. imagine that," Draco said, shooting a look at Ava. Ava shot him one back.

"Keep out of this Malfoy. I'm pretty sure this doesn't involve you," Harry said with a glare.

"Ryan, go back and tell Ryan to stop spreading lies or he's going to spend a week doing the house elf's job," Ava said shooing the boy away.

"And I'm pretty sure it does involve me, Potter," Malfoy said with a sneer before turning on his heels and heading to the living room.

"I'm sorry about him, he's got his panties up in a bunch lately."

"Did I hear you threatening that boy with house elf work?" Hermione butted in to the conversation.

"No, Hermione," Harry, Ava, and Aubrey said at once. Ron snickered in the background.

"Because I do think that would be a good idea. Teach him what it's like to be a house elf. It'll make him appreciate it more. Although the fact that you still have house elves is absolutely horrendous. Especially after all those years I spent educating you on the life of a house elf and how horrible it is."

"Oh, please Hermione. They ENJOY what they do!" Ron said. Hermione glared at him.

"He's right," Ava added. "And please don't try to set mine free. I'd be lost in this place without them. There are more bedrooms than I have finger and toes."

"You should pay them."

"They don't want it!"

"Hermione, just butt out. Stop sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. It's not nice to eavesdrop." Aubrey narrowed her eyes at the woman.

Hermione shot her a glare as well. "Come on Ronald. Lets go say hi to your brother's." They all shot Ron a sympathetic look and shrugged as he reluctantly followed his wife to the other side of the room to greet his twin brothers.

"I knew she was going to go off about the house elves tonight," Ava shook her head as Cedric walked over to them. He exchanged hellos with all of them, giving Ava and Aubrey hugs and Harry a nod.

"How's Ella?" He asked Ava and Aubrey raised her eyebrow.

"Good. She's asleep now. You can see her when she's up."

"Good. I'd like that. Wonderful thing you've got going on here. Amazing place."

"Thanks," Ava said. "Well, I better get everyone into the living room and the children into the playroom and get the drinks started." 


	3. Chapter 2

Everyone moved out of the parlor and settled themselves on the couches around the living room in a slightly awkward silence. Draco had already been sitting in there, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand.

"Drink?" He offered to Harry who had settled next to him.

"Please," he said as Draco conjured him a glass and handed it to him. Neither was quite sure he could make it through the night sober.

"Wonderful party, Ava and Draco," Fred said. Draco placed his arm around Ava protectively and she smiled pleasantly and placed her hand on his leg.

"Thank you," Ava replied. "Drinks anyone?" Everyone looked at another and nodded gratefully. She and Draco conjured glasses out of the air for everyone and allowed them each to fill their own cups with whatever they pleased.

"So, I was thinking about starting up SPEW again," Hermione said, breaking the awkward silence. "You'd all be willing to join, wouldn't you?"

"Hermione!" Practically everyone scolded at once.

"Okay, then, I take that as a no?"

"Yes, it's a no," Draco slurred, taking another swig from his bottle. "Hey everyone, I've got an announcement!"

"Draco," Ava hushed, in fear of what he was about to announce to the room.

"My 'son'," he said putting air quotes around the word, "Ryan, has begun taking notice of some things that I'm sure have not been quite so obvious to everyone here.

"My wife here has seven children, and only two of them are mine!" He laughed. Everyone looked around at one another horrified. Some looked more afraid of what he would reveal than others.

"Draco!" Ava said bewildered that he would air their dirty laundry to everyone.

"No, no, I have to finish this," he said putting up a hand. "You know, I've been trying to deny it for years, but I know only Andrew and Lilie are mine."

Aubrey had to bite her lip from laughing. "It's about time he noticed," she whispered in Ava's ear.

"And I bet you're all wondering who has fathered my other children, right? Well, I'm about to tell you all."

"Draco, please!" Ava pleaded. Several people began downing their drinks before refilling them and repeating the process.

"No. Well Trae and Talon, they belong to a Weasley. I'm not sure which one of you bastards it is, but it's one of you." Bill, Fred, George, and Ron all received looks from Fleur, Angelina, Katie, and Hermione. "And James, well, he, as I'm sure most of you might have guessed, belongs to my BESTEST friend in the whole entire world, my good buddy, Harry Potter," Draco said putting his arm around Harry. "Yes, that's right everyone. My wife. The wife of a Malfoy was sleeping with a Potter."

"You filthy slut," Lucius sneered at his daughter in law. Ava followed the suit of her friends and downed her own fire whiskey.

"Do you know how many other women your son is sleeping with? How many other women he has children with?" Ava glared at her father-in-law. "At last count, I believe it's at least three children who are not mine. Let's think about who's the filthy slut."

"Oh, Daddy dearest, that's not even the best of it. My 'son', Ryan, belongs to either Oliver or Cedric. I really don't know which one of you it is. But if you ask Ava, she might know."

"I don't know what you're talking about Malfoy!" Oliver shouted. "I've never slept with your wife!"

"Oh please," Harry drunkenly interrupted, "even I know you two were fucking. It's been going on since the quidditch days. I saw you two in the changing room once!"

"Yeah," George interrupted. "I saw you two once too."

"You should talk George, I saw you and Ava in the changing room too!" Harry said.

"Is there anyone you didn't watch fuck in the changing room?" Aubrey questioned.

"Not really."

"Is there any guy in the quidditch team you didn't sleep with?" Draco questioned Ava.

"No," Harry answered for her.

"So back to what I was saying. My dearest little baby Ella. Our youngest. She's not mine either. Ava says she is, but I don't believe it. I think she belongs to Cedric."

"She's mine," Cedric offered up. "And I'm damn proud of it too! That is one beautiful baby girl. And Riley is mine too! And so is Shayla!" Neville bit his lip and glared at Americus, shaking his head.

Harry looked horrified. "What are you talking about Diggory? Riley is mine!" Aubrey took a shot.

"Are you that naive Potter?"

"Oh, he really is," Draco laughed. "You're so stupid Potter. I love you!" He patted Harry on the head.

"But Riley is mine! He's gotta be! He just looks like Aubrey!"

"I'm sorry dear," Aubrey said to Harry, "but Riley isn't yours. He is indeed Cedric's."

"Well Amie and Andrew and Ryan and Patrick are mine, right?" Aubrey downed another glass.

"Andrew, yours, Potter?" Draco laughed cruelly. "He's as much yours as Trae and Talon are mine! I bet they've got the same father! Probably the same as at least three or four of Americus' children!"

"Could someone please tell me which Weasley these children belong to?" Angelina asked angrily. "I'd really like to know if my husband's having an affair or not."

"That's a fair question, girls," Draco said looking from Ava to Aubrey to Americus.

"Charlie," Aubrey answered. "Andrew is Charlie's son."

"What?" Charlie looked bewildered.

"What do you mean three or four of Americus' children?" Neville asked bewildered.

"Oh, Neville, you can't possibly believe all those children are yours? You're not that good," Draco interjected.

"Oh come on. You had to know!" Aubrey directed toward Charlie.

"I thought he was one of the twins!"

"Ava?" Draco asked. "Do tell me who our twin sons belong to."

"Fred," she answered, not meeting the glare from Angelina before she turned her attention to Fred and slapped him.

"I don't know what she's talking about!" Fred defended. "I've never slept with her!"

"Oh yes, yes you did. Saw you two in the changing room as well!"

"Who weren't you sleeping with, girl?" Lucius sneered.

"You," she replied smartly with a wink before downing another glass of firewhiskey.

"And you Americus?" Draco asked.

"Louisa is Ron's, and Brent is Fred's, Gerald is George's, and Alex is Percy's."

"I'm leaving!" Angelina said as she stood up and stormed out of the room. Fred got up and followed her. They could hear them collecting their twin nine year old boys Austin and Kory, and then the crack letting them know they'd apparated out.

"Ronald!" Hermione cried out, turning to him, jaw set, looking as though it took all the strength she could muster not to hit him.

"Percy's!" Crabbe asked, both he and Goyle looking at Percy angrily.

"Do explain that one Percy. Aren't you gay?" Draco asked.

"See what you've done now, Malfoy?" George said angrily.

"Oh please. I know you're sleeping with my wife too!" Katie looked as though she might cry and ran out of the room as well.

"Thanks a lot, Malfoy." George hurried after her.

"He's probably sleeping with Aubrey too!" Draco called after them.

"It was a one time thing," Percy answered. " I just wanted to know what it felt like," he defended. "It wasn't all that good really."

"Excuse me?" Americus asked, offended.

"Sorry, but I prefer men."

"Fair enough."

"So, Americus, how do your twin sons have two different fathers?" Draco asked.

"Skill, my dear, pure skill," Americus laughed. Neville sat in silence, trying his best to not let his tears spill over.

"Well, who else can we out tonight? Hmm.. who else are you sleeping with dear? I know there's more."

"She's sleeping with me!" Harry offered.

"Stupid git, we got there a long time ago," Ron said.

"Well Weasley, are you sleeping with my wife too?" Malfoy asked. Ron turned bright red and looked at the floor.

"Ronald!" Hermione scolded again.

"Oh please mudblood. You're a smart girl. Can't you see what's right in front of you?"

"Don't call her mudblood!" Ron shouted.

"I'll call her what I please, mudblood lover," Draco sneered.

"So I think we've covered all of Ava's affairs. Did I miss anyone, Love?"

"I'm not about to announce the entirety of my affair list in front of everyone I know!"

"What about you, Aubrey? Besides me and Charlie and Cedric, who've you got? Ron? George? Fred? Oliver? Seamus?"

"That's right, I'm sleeping with her!" Seamus drunkenly admitted.

"Well there's one. You're not saying no, so I'm guessing yes."

"Really, all those?" Harry asked, looking hurt.

"Oh you're not so faithful either Harry!" Aubrey countered. "You just don't realize how bad you are at covering it up. You've got children with me, Ava, Americus, and Ginny!"

"Ah, Americus," Draco interrupted. "Who else are you sleeping with? We've ousted you with Fred, George, Ron, Percy, Cedric, and Harry already."

"No one really."

"Ah so, there is more."

"I don't have any children with Ginny!" Harry shouted.

"Oh please, ever notice that Justin isn't black?" Draco asked. Dean looked hurt. "Come on Thomas, you couldn't have possibly believed that Justin and Nick were yours! Your wife's a little slut over there. Always has been. She's a pretty good fuck too. Wild, that's how I like it. I bet it comes from days of being a muggle porn star. Anyway, Americus, you were about to say?"

"Sirius and Snape."

"Those old gits?" Draco asked.

"Oh Americus, even I wouldn't touch that," Ava said.

"Me either," Aubrey agreed.

"You should've given them a shot. Colette's Sirius' daughter and Dylan is Snape's daughter."

"Are any of our children mine?" Neville asked.

"Of course dear, Cleo, Gary, and Jordan are yours."

"Three out of twelve, that's it?"

"Sorry. You're really just not that good."

"I knew it!" Draco said. "I on the other hand, am the master."

"Someone's a little arrogant," Americus commented.

"Just the way everyone in this room likes it."

"Well, I think dinner's ready!" Ava interrupted, hoping her husband would just shut up already. "Shall we all eat?" 


	4. Chapter 3

The group all stood up and for the most part stumbled their way into the dining room, all taking seats around the long table. Everyone was looking questioningly at their significant others, wondering what secrets Draco had yet to reveal.

"Vhere are all zee children?" Fleur asked curtly as she sat down next to Bill.

"They're being served by the house elves in the playroom."

Hermione hmmphed and crossed her arms as everyone began passing around the food that had been waiting for them on the table.

"Hermione. Don't be stupid. You have to eat," Ron said as she passed a bowl to him without taking any herself.

"Not food prepared by house elves!"

"Hermione," Ava said exasperatedly, "why don't you have the dinner party next time and cook for fifty people on your own? You'll be begging to borrow a few of my elves."

"Oh stay out of this you slut!"

"You're just angry because I'm a better lay than you! Your own husband doesn't even enjoy having sex with you!"

"I don't blame him," Draco butted in. "We fucked once, back in the old school days. What was that, sixth year? Didn't we Mudblood? You weren't very good. Done in five minutes and a complete bore."

"Well your husband isn't exactly faithful either!" Hermione ignored Draco's statement completely.

"But at the end of the day he still comes home to my bed and still wants me! When was the last time yours wanted you? I mean, he comes to me at least once a week."

Hermione just glared maliciously at her.

"Tell me girl," Lucius said, "do you make money for having sex with all these men?"

"She's not a prostitute Father!" Draco defended. "I do, however, believe Ginny's job may have involved receiving payment for sex."

"I've got a fun game!" Ginny announced. "Let's see who can keep quiet the longest and whoever wins gets a cookie!"

"We're not children, Ginny," Percy said.

"You, my dear brother, do not get a cookie," Ginny drunkenly pointed, taking a sip from her goblet of wine.

The rest of the adults however seemed content to go along with Ginny's game and felt it best to keep their mouths shut while they finished their dinner. After dinner was finished and the plates were wiped clean, no doubt due to some magic of the house elves, as Hermione was quite discontent to point out, they all moved back into the living room for some more much needed drinks. 


	5. Chapter 4

The silence remained, broken only by the cries of Ella. Ava went to retrieve her and returned several minutes later, baby in one arm, bottle in the other hand.

"Well if it isn't the daughter with the name of a Malfoy and the eyes of a Diggory. Well Diggory, come on, why don't you take care of your precious baby girl right now? God knows I'm sick of the 3 AM feedings for a baby that's not even mine"

"Fine. I'll take her. Give her here, Ava," Cedric said with outstretched arms. Ava looked at him uncertainly before handing the child over to him.

"Well isn't that just a lovely picture. One happy little family," Draco mocked. Ava glared at him.

Nearly everyone had seemed to have conjured their own bottle of hard liquor out of the air for themselves.

"You know, Hermione, I think your problem tonight just may be that you're not drinking any alcohol," Aubrey announced.

"Well, I, I can't drink."

"You're having another child?" Aubrey questioned. "You managed to get your husband to sleep with you? Tell me, how did you manage that?"

"No one else in his right mind would sleep with her," Draco muttered.

"Oh, go have an orgy and another baby with a man who isn't your husband!"

"Think you're so witty with that, do you? Clever little Hermione always was the brightest witch of our year, but she never did have the best comebacks."

"You're just jealous! You know you always wanted Ron, but you couldn't have him cause he wouldn't have you!"

"What? Are you crazy Hermione! You've never stood in the way of that! I hate to break it to you, but I probably have your husband more than you do!"

"Now, now ladies," Ron drunkenly butted in, "There's enough of Ron to go around for everyone."

"We all know you're not quite that well endowed, Weasley," Draco pointed out.

"Yeah, you're really not," Harry added. Ava and Aubrey looked at their husbands questioningly. Ron looked like his hopes and dreams had just been dashed. "Sorry, mate," he shrugged.

"Harry, is there something you'd like to tell me?" Aubrey questioned.

"What? We shared a dormitory for seven years, we were bound to see one another naked once in a while."

"I always knew there was something more going on with you and Weasley, Potter. I shared a dormitory with Crabbe and Goyle for seven years and never saw them naked. Of course they saw one another naked, but there was a bit of gay sex going on there, wasn't there?"

"Really?" Harry asked, suddenly intrigued. "You never even compared sizes? Not even once?"

"Well, didn't have to, did we? It's a given I'd be the best endowed."

"He was," Crabbe suddenly interrupted. "Snuck a peak at him while he was changing a few times and thought I was asleep. I always wished you were even a little bit gay, Draco."

"You are foul, Crabbe!" Crabbe shrugged in response.

"Well, there's only one way to settle this," Harry said.

Draco looked at Harry, Disgusted. "Potter, you are foul too! I am not about to drop my pants for you!"

"Nor I for you! I'm talking that there are three people in this room who can tell us exactly who is the best endowed." Everyone turned their attention to Ava, Aubrey, and Americus who had been giggling madly to one another the entire conversation.

"Well, girls. Who is it?" Draco asked. Ava, Aubrey, and Americus looked at one another, still giggling wildly.

"Cedric," the three said in unison. Cedric had a look of triumph on his face. Draco and Harry looked confused. Crabbe, Goyle, and Percy all shot a look of longing at Cedric. Cedric shifted uncomfortably under their stares while the one year old in his lap continued to lean against his chest, happily sucking on her bottle, oblivious to the conversation around her.

"What?" Draco and Harry asked at once. Ava and Aubrey shrugged in response.

"Well," Ava defended. "You asked, we simply gave an honest response."

"Well how do I compare then?" Draco asked.

"You're not much behind Cedric. I wouldn't have married you if you weren't, now would I?"

"Then where am I?" Harry questioned. "I know I was the largest in my dormitory."

"Well, dear," Aubrey said. "You, I'm afraid, are fourth."

"Fourth?" Harry asked, offended. "Well, then who's third?"

Ava and Aubrey looked at one another with another giggle. "Oliver." Harry narrowed his eyes at the other man.

"Well, how far behind am I? Size wise?"

"Oh, not even an inch, dear. And size really doesn't make a difference, I promise," Aubrey comforted her husband. She received a raised eyebrow and a smirk from Ava. Aubrey raised her eyebrow telling her friend not to say anything more.

Cedric was eyeing Crabbe and Goyle, becoming increasingly uncomfortable under their stares. "Could you please stop staring at me?" He finally burst.

"We're just admiring. Is there any chance you'd consider going gay for a night?" Crabbe asked, Goyle and Percy smirked, thinking the same thing to themselves.

"God, no!" Cedric said standing up, practically dropping Ella in the process.

"Now, now Cedric, be careful with the baby," Draco warned. "You ought to prove you're a fit father to your precious baby daughter."

"Sorry," Cedric apologized before turning his attention back to his admirers. "But what you're asking is preposterous. I can't take this any longer. Either you must leave, or I'm going to leave."

"Now, don't be silly, Cedric. They're simply admiring what they can't have. We all do it," Ava said.

"Like you would know what that's like?" Hermione asked.

"Oh piss off, Hermione. I love you, but I'm sick of you tonight," Ava said.

"Well, if I'm not wanted, I can take a hint."

"It only took you seventeen years to figure out!" Aubrey threw out.

"I've had enough of this." Hermione stood abruptly, and found her way to the play room. "January! Felicia! Robert! We're going!" They could hear her should from the other room. " RONALD BILIUS!" She screamed, after realizing her husband was still in the other room.

"Sorry mates," Ron shrugged as he reluctantly stood. "Lovely dinner, Ava, really. Wonderful, let's do it again," he said sarcastically before joining his wife. The family could be heard one by one shouting their destination into the fire. Finally when Ron has jumped into the flames conversation resumed.

"I think we're going to go as well," Bill announced and he and Fleur stood up from their seats.

"Zank you for haveeng uz. It vaz a lovely deener," Fleur said cordially before the two made their way to collect their two children.

"Well, shall we see who else we can get to leave before dessert?" Draco suggested.

"I vote for Crabbe and Goyle," Cedric said, casting a sideways glance at the two.

"Only if you'll leave with us," Goyle winked as little James Malfoy ran into the room, straight to his parents, followed shortly by his brother, Ryan.

"Mummy! Daddy!" The little boy sobbed. "Ryan said you found me on the side of the road!"

"I did not!" Ryan shouted back.

"Come here baby," Ava said pulling her son into her lap. "Ryan, what did I tell you about making up stories."

"Sorry," he looked down at his feet.

"Oh just tell them, Ava," Draco said. "They have a right to know."

"Draco!" Ava hushed.

"James, I'm afraid Ryan isn't entirely wrong." The little boy sat straight up, his brow furrowed and his lip trembling.

"Draco! No!" Ava pleaded, but Draco continued on.

"James, your Mum didn't find you on the side of the road. No she did indeed have you, but I'm afraid I'm not really your Dad. Uncle Harry is," Draco laughed malevolently. James began screaming in confusion, and Ryan had a look of triumph on his face.

"Calm down, baby, Daddy's just playing a joke on you, isn't that right, Draco?" Ava eyed him evilly. Draco didn't answer.

"I knew it!" Ryan screamed out. "Who's everyone else's Daddies? I knew I was your only real kid!"

"Oh, no, no, Ryan," Draco said. "I'm afraid your Daddy is that man over there," Draco pointed to Oliver. "Mr. Oliver Wood."

Ryan's eyes went wide and he looked as though he didn't know whether to run, scream, cry, or do all three. He let out a wail like none anyone had ever heard.

"Do you see what you've done, Draco?" Ava scolded as she stood up, a crying James attached to her hip, his face buried in her shoulder. Ryan seemed to attach himself to her leg. "Come on boys, lets go back to the play room and get you settled down. Daddy's just being silly tonight." Ava placed James back on the floor. "Here, Ced, give Ella here, I'll leave her with the rest of the children."

Ella happily went to her mother while James sniffled and Ryan nodded as he followed his mother and brother out of the room. Ava returned five minutes later, now childless.

"Right state you've got those children in now. I just hope Ryan doesn't say anything to the others."

"Well, the boys have got to know at some point that I'm not their Dad." Ava just sent her husband a glare.

"I think it's just about time for dessert," Ava announced and began ushering everyone back into the dining room, hoping the cakes, cookies, coffee, and tea would sober some of them up. 


	6. Chapter 5

"It's about time I got my cookie," Charlie said as he sat down and loaded up his plate, much as everyone else around him had done.

"So, I've been wondering something all night," Seamus said, "Which of us is the best in bed?" Ava and Aubrey looked at one another and giggled again.

"Well. I can only speak for myself, but I'd have to go with Charlie."

"But I've got the biggest penis!" Cedric announced.

"Size doesn't equal greatness. Loudness for you maybe, but not greatness," Aubrey answered.

"I'm hurt."

"Sorry Ced, but I have to agree. You are indeed the loudest," Ava said. "But I do feel the best was Draco. Why else would I have married him?"

"Because you were pregnant and your parents wouldn't have approved of you having a child out of wedlock?" Aubrey answered.

"Minor detail, my friend, minor detail," Ava added.

"You were pregnant before you were married?" Lucius interrupted. "I was unaware of that."

"That was sort of the idea, Father," Draco said.

"Forgive me for saying this, Lucius," Harry said, "but can you not add? May to January isn't exactly nine months."

"I never quite thought about it," Lucius retorted, eyes narrowed at Harry.

"Well, I for one," Ginny decided to announce, "have to agree with, Ava. Draco was the best."

"Well you can't exactly sleep with Charlie, can you?" Aubrey questioned sarcastically.

"No, and I'd rather not hear about how great he is in bed, thank you. I've learned enough about my brothers' sex lives tonight."

"I'd have to say Sirius was the best," Americus added, receiving disgusted looks from the others. "Oh come on, he was extremely good looking for an older man!"

"The man was our parents age! You just don't touch that."

"You're the ones that missed out," Americus shrugged.

"I must say, this food is fabulous," Percy said. "I must borrow your house elves for my next party."

"Sure," Ava replied. "Just let me know when and I'll send a few over."

"It's so nice to be able to speak freely about house elves without Hermione here. I think I may have killed her if she had stayed another minute."

"I think we all might have killed her," Ginny added as she pushed her now empty plate aside. Nearly everyone around her followed suit.

"So boys, we've told you who was the best our of you lot, who was the best out of us?" Aubrey asked.

"Well, Ava, of course," Draco said simply, winking at his wife.

"You're not getting anything from me tonight," Ava said.

"Well, I'm not lying. I only do the best. Does any man here disagree that Ava is the best lay they've ever had?" Draco looked around, and no one seemed to deter from his answer.

"I can say she's not the best I've ever had," Goyle said.

"You don't count. You only sleep with other men."

"And I wouldn't want it any other way."

"I'm very insulted," Aubrey said.

"Don't be. You're still good, Love," Draco said. "Ava's just better, that's all there is too it. And Ginny, the things you can do with your tongue, absolutely amazing." 


	7. Chapter 6

"Why thank you," Ginny smiled proudly. She glanced up at the large grandfather clock in the corner of the room. "Well, would you look at the time. Nearly eleven o'clock already. I think we better be off. The kids should have been asleep hours ago."

"You sound so old, Ginny," Ava said.

"We are so old. Are you ready, Dean?" She asked as she stood from the table. Dean nodded and followed his wife's lead.

"Thanks for the evening," Dean half-heartedly said before exiting the room.

"Good night all," Ginny said with a wave before leaving as well.

"I think we best be off as well," Percy announced, speaking for him, Crabbe, and Goyle. The three all stood and said their goodbye's before disapparating right out of the room. 

"Odd arrangement that lot's got going on there," Oliver commented with a shake of his head.

"Yes, very odd indeed," Lucius said curiously. "I think I'm going be leaving now." He stood up swiftly. "This was… lovely. Ava, Draco, I'll be seeing you both soon I expect." And with a swish of his cloak he seemingly disappeared into thin air.

Americus, Neville, their children, Charlie, Seamus, Oliver, and Cedric soon left as well after saying their thank yous and goodbye's, leaving only Harry, Aubrey, Draco, and Ava sitting in the room.

"Well, that was certainly an interesting night," Harry commented.

"Too right you are, Potter," Draco said conjuring two bottles of firewhiskey and handing one to Harry. Both took two long swigs.

"Did they just agree on something?" Ava asked.

"Get me a camera. We're never going to see this again."

"You know, I've realized something tonight, Potter," Draco said. "We're the same person."

"We are, aren't we?"

"Yes. Our wives are cheating on us with all the same men. Hell, we're some of those men. We've both got a great lot of kids, most of them aren't ours."

"Too right, Draco, too right."

"Well," Draco said raising his bottle in the air, "to being the same man in different hair." He and Harry clanked their bottles together before taking another long drink.

"Maybe you're not so bad, Malfoy."

"Maybe you're not so bad either, Potter."

"Oh, and now I know they've had too much to drink. I think that may be a sign to leave."

"Yes, I think that would be best right now. Shall we have afternoon tea tomorrow?"

"Surely. Assuming I can make it out of my bed."

"Yes, of course."

"Another toast, to our wives sleeping with all the same men."

"Here here!" They both took a swig of their bottles.

"And to sleeping with each other's wives!"

"Hell yes." Another swig.

"And to raising one another's children." Another clink of the bottles.

"And to your wife being the best fuck we've ever had!"

"Double here, here," Draco said and the two took a double swig. "Another toast Potter, to you having had another wonderful quidditch season!"

"And you being a wonderful minister of magic!" Harry added and the two clanked their bottles together again and taking another swig.

"And to having each other's children!"

"Here, here!" Another clink and drink.

"To how great our wives are in bed!" Clank.

"To my new best friend!" Harry said and they took yet another swig.

"Do you really mean that, Potter? I'm you're new best friend. I'm honored!" Draco said throwing his arm around Harry.

"I mean it, Draco! Can I call you Draco now?"

"Of course. And I'll call you Harry!"

"Here, here!" Harry said and the two clinked and drank again.

"It's too bad one of us isn't a woman. We could get together and it would probably be the best sex of our lives!"

"Too bad. Is there a charm to change that?"

"I don't think so." Both took another drink as they contemplated the impossible.

"Okay, boys," Ava said as she and Aubrey finally were able to contain their fits of giggles they had been having throughout Harry and Draco's toasting session. "I think you've had enough."

"I think we'd better be off. Come, Harry," Aubrey said standing and dragging her husband who seemed to keep continually banging his bottle of firewhiskey against Draco's now. "It's time to leave."

"Already?" He said. "Well, okay then. Good evening. Lovely dinner it was. We should do this more often."

"Come for dinner tomorrow night, Potter. It'll be fun," Draco said.

"And now we're leaving. Goodnight Ava, Draco," Aubrey said as she steered her drunken husband out of the room, and collected their children before shouting their destination into the fireplace and disappearing, leaving the house quiet.

"Well, I'm off to kiss the kids goodnight send them to bed and then head to bed myself. Are you coming?"

"I'll be there soon. Just want to finish off this bottle."

"Oh, no, no, no, Draco," Ava said taking the nearly empty bottle of fire whiskey out of her husbands hand. "You've had enough to drink for tonight." Draco looked at her with sad puppy dog eyes. "Trust me. You'll be regretting this all enough in the morning."

"Oh bugger. I'm coming, I guess."

The two readied all the children for sleep before tucking them into bed and saying goodnight and finally crashing, on top of their bed, fully clothed, and passing out. 


End file.
